Why Most Courses Suck

Guru Lambo

Please just kill me and use my carcass as a doormat. Toss it in the dumpster if it starts to stink.

That’s what I think when I see some poser in skinny jeans, smugly leaning on a leased Lambo that’s parked outside a fancy Airbnb, blitzing me with YouTube ads to buy his goddamn course.  

Even if he is rich… it’s not from practicing what he preaches.

It’s from roping thousands of simpletons into his program.

You’ve seen hundreds of these ads.

Once you click, they retarget you with even more ads, popping up everywhere, like Jake from State Farm.

They demand your name, email and sometimes even your phone number just to access their “free training.”

Then they spam you with emails and texts, gnawing on your last nerve like it’s corn on the cob.

The free training turns out to be a 60-minute pitch fest.

You don’t learn jack. They just boast about how great they are and promise their “simple three-step system” will work for anyone.

Yes, even you. Even if you’re dumb and lazy, and live under the umbrella from a hot dog cart.

“And this is brand new,” they’ll tell you. “Nobody else is talking about this.”

“Hardly any competition.”

“You can hit $10k/mo in the next 30 days.”

“And scale to $100k/mo after that.”

“Takes less than 60 minutes a day.”

Right, and I’m a unicorn riding a rainbow to Neverland.

The best is when they show blurred out names from a Facebook Group bragging about all the money they’re making.

Can’t verify any of it, how convenient.

But you can totally believe them because they paid some PR company to plant puff pieces on Forbes, Yahoo Finance and Business Insider.

Somehow people fall for this. They decide they want in.

So, what’s the cost?

Cost? It might as well have been hidden inside a swallowed balloon, like a drug mule sneaking cocaine across the boarder – because I certainly didn’t see it anywhere.

Did you?

Guess you’ll hafta “book a strategy call” to find out.

Course, once they have you on the phone, they’re gonna pistol whip you into buying.

“Oh, and it’s $5k,” they’ll finally reveal. “But I have to run your card NOW. Price jumps to $8k once we hang up.”

Fear not, they’ve got a guarantee.

However, nestled within the fine print is a clause about how it’s on you if you don’t get results.

“No you will not be getting a refund. Back in your cuck cage you go.”

And still there’ll be a certain percentage of people who ignore the warning signs and enroll, only to discover:

  • The content’s outdated.
  • The support’s abysmal.
  • The guru’s got somebody else doing the coaching calls.
  • You never even hear from ’em unless they’re hawking another upsell.
  • And the model’s harder, slower and way more saturated than you were led to believe.

“Trust the process,” they’ll advise. “Keep going. It’s a numbers game.”

Yeeeah, no.

Assuming you don’t wear flannels and nose strips and motorboat Leila’s tah-tahs every night, you probably don’t have what it takes.

If only we had a Dog the Bounty Hunter for dishonest douchebags, huh?

Until then, tap below.

This Course Doesn’t Suck